5 Levels Of Communication With Our Kids

Communication with our children must be part of our daily lives. At some point differences of opinion or criteria will arise. That’s when you should use communicative tools to maintain an assertive dialogue.

Furthermore, depending on the subject at hand, it can even serve as a channel of union between the interlocutors.

Good communication with our children, the basis of family harmony

It is not surprising that conflicts arise between family members. They are part of interpersonal relationships.

However, the important thing is to learn to mediate in order to prevent conflicts from becoming part of the family routine.

Conflicts that are not assertively resolved can turn into strong arguments, most of which are emotionally charged out of control. Thus, this promotes the clash of egos with devastating consequences.

It is very important to cultivate good family relationships. Thus, the most suitable way is to strengthen the communication channels with our children and partner.

In addition, as parents we should strive to convey a calm and respectful attitude when dealing with other family members.

Since the coexistence usually brings with it discussions that, in most cases, are due to misunderstandings.

Learn the 5 levels of communication

To use the resources and tools that good communication offers us, we must know and understand the different levels of communication. Also, when you reach the deepest level, you will be able to share values, feelings and those intimate aspects that we don’t usually talk to anyone about.

Thus, deep communication usually requires certain skills to reach its maximum expression, among which we can highlight:

• know how to listen
• Knowing how to identify our feelings and needs
• empathize
• Self knowledge
• Knowing and understanding each other’s needs

However, communication with our children can occur at 5 levels of depth, each with its respective benefits for a healthy family and interpersonal relationship.

Level 1. Talking about superficial things

This level typically addresses trivial topics such as your child’s performance in a football match, schoolwork, or what they’ll eat for dinner. It does not involve relevant information that needs an in-depth analysis or interpretation by the interlocutors.

Level 2. Talking about other people

It refers to communicating with our children about people around them, whether their friends, schoolmates or neighbors. It is a level that deals with impersonal conversations that serve to get to know each other better by interpreting what they say to each other, involving other people outside the parent-child relationship.

Level 3. Talking About Us

This type of conversation implies a greater degree of mutual knowledge. Here we approach in an affective way and express some kind of experience lived during our childhood or what happened to us at work.

In turn, our children talk about their favorite sport or an activity they enjoyed doing at school.

Thus, during this communication with them, the foundations for building family relationships of complicity and intimacy are cemented.

In this way, little by little, the confidence that our children need to open up and share their deepest feelings with us will be generated.

Level 4. Talking about one’s feelings

Here, conversations take on more intimate characteristics because we express how we feel about some success. Thus, at this stage, communication with our children is made up of mutual trust and greater unity.

They can express how they feel about the treatment they receive from their friends. And we can communicate how worried or sad we might be about a family member’s illness. This level makes clear the degree of intimacy between family members.

Level 5. Talking about mutual feelings

This is the deepest level we can reach to have communication with our children. It’s not about other people or superfluous matters, it’s about what we feel for each other.

Many parents find it costly to reach this degree of intimacy and vulnerability, perhaps because of a behavior learned from their own parents. However, showing our feelings openly in front of our children will motivate them to act and as a result will open their hearts.

Furthermore, it builds strong affective bonds between them.

Finally, we must express our discomfort or any other feeling that allows us to create a relationship of trust.