When Someone Is In The Past It Is Because They Didn’t Belong In Their Future

Life is movement, cycles we must start and doors we must close. If we stick to the idea that everything must stay the same, we’re more likely to refuse to embrace the past. And finally turn the page.

We are certain that, today, in your memory there are many people you left behind. It doesn’t matter why.

Perhaps it was because of the simple need to move forward, or because these people generated more tears than joy.

If they stayed there, in your past, it’s because they didn’t fit into your future. In this way, you took a step towards maturity: let go, assume and understand that, at times, to be happy we need to learn to say goodbye.

Leave someone in the past to live in the present

It is often said that people spend a large part of their lives remembering things, reliving in their memories situations they have already experienced. This is not a negative aspect, as long as this look towards the past is assumed with tranquility and balance.

Remembering without resentment allows us to live the present better. To look at yesterday without being filled with tears and regrets is to allow yourself to be happy again.

We know that it is not simple to take this step because it implies something very mature: assuming that a person, a relationship, should no longer be part of the “here and now” to be past.

People tend to be very attached to places, people and customs that, in some way, offer us security.

There are people who are unable to terminate a stage. The act of breaking bonds, of leaving the comfort zone, supposes being in solitude again. This is often seen as a threat.

Assuming that what has passed must be accepted little by little and without suffering takes time. Nobody can turn the page quickly.

This is a very slow process that will include all these steps:

• Saying out loud that we are not going to move forward with the relationship requires courage and, above all, sincerity. We must make clear what we feel and the reasons why we are going to terminate the relationship.
• Rely on your family and friends. To understand that the closure of this personal stage is not necessarily an end, it is necessary to realize that we have people who love us, that social relationships are an essential basis of our daily lives.
• Despite the social support, there is something we must be clear: accepting the past is something that is done in solitude. Only you know what you lived, what you lost and the wounds you need to heal.

• Understand that the end of a stage is a new opportunity to be happy. If there are people who are part of our past, it’s because they didn’t deserve to be in our present.
• The past cannot be erased, nor edited, just accepted. And there is no worse mistake than remembering a past that no longer makes sense in the present.

I’m sorry but you don’t fit my present

Realizing this is already a big step. In many cases, love and affection remain very present, despite differences and disappointments.

It is necessary to know that affective relationships are not sustained by love alone. The following pillars are also an essential part of a happy and stable love relationship:

• the reciprocity
• the complicity
• The respect
• Empathic and constructive communication
• The passion
• Knowing how to respect privacy and knowing how to build a couple’s own space
• Favoring the partner’s personal growth

The moment one of these principles fails, we start dragging out sadness, disappointment, hiding words and pretending that everything is going well because we think things will change. Or we also think that the situation will improve in the future.

However, people are often not like we thought they were. We tend to idealize, to take for granted some things that daily life and coexistence show us are not like that.

Until, finally, we see clearly that this person doesn’t fit into our present.

Accepting that certain people should not be part of our present is to understand the cycle of life. At times, there are people we had to leave in the past, even if they were very important to us.

• If someone harms us and causes us suffering until it harms our self-esteem or our security, don’t hesitate. It’s better to step back and allow this person to stay in the past.

• However, it is also important to know how to forgive.
  • Even though it is difficult, even though it hurts, forgiveness is a way of liberating and closing a door without it continuing to negatively influence our interior.

Forgiveness is the soul’s rest to live a freer present having taken on the past.